Friday, December 22, 2006

Minehead Butlins - Stumbling Drunk Underpants and Noise.

Full review on a blow by blow basis in the pipeline - but for a taster of what at ATP 2006 at Butlins Minehead pipped my cotton socks clean-off ... one of the certain highlights for sure ... here ya go : Mats Gustaffson & EYE Yamataka - making a damn fine glorious racket - love this stuff !!

If only the Haters had managed the same !

Saturday, December 02, 2006

$500 bottle of wine....

A $500 dollar bottle of wine
That's all I get man most of the time.

We been through the desert
Went through their last shirts
And all the lightning and crime
A half-filled bottle of wine.

They're all fat gits and they get on our tits
They're all fat gits and they get on our tits

That's all you get most of the time
For all the life in crime
The 500 bottle of wine

What is the man on about now - look mate don't ask me - I'm just the messenger - and today I bring you news of a real bargain-basement piece of 12-inch plastic - currently up for bids on that global car-boot of a place - which for brevity shall we simply call ebay ? OK ... Yes - it would seem that this bargain basement disk has finally made it to the sale-room ...

Bought for 70 cents in a Chelsea New York boot-sale only to find it being the long-lost forgotten, somewhat moth-eaten, sounding exactly how the

Andy Warhol Wig-Out-Exlploding Cod-Piece

apparently meant it to sound (yeah right) - somewhat scratched - very hissy - yep - the very first Velvet Underground LP - but with different recordings and mixes of all songs - on 40 year-old Acetate vinyl (which basically means - you play the thing - the thing will fall to bits) ... woop - yep get ready to place those bids .. this morning when I found it for sale it was still reasonably cheap at a mere 25,000 bucks - but man - with 6 days still to go and the price now already at 36,000 bucks - I suggest a reserve upper bid closer to the 100K mark to secure it ...

For those of you not quite sitting there with those sort of readies - then as it is nearly crimbo time - here ya go - 3 of the tracks from the Farmer - from the acetate - straight down the supa-higwhay-infobahn to YOU ... your welcome ... for the rest of you with a neat-100K to blow - go and bid here.

Velvet Underground - Heroin (1966 acetate)
Completely different take than released version. Guitar line is different. Vocal inflections different, and a few different lyrics. Drumming is more primitive & off kilter. There is a tambourine dragging throughout the song.

Velvet Underground - Waiting for the man (acetate)
Different take than released version. Guitar line is completely different. Vocal inflections different, and a few different lyrics. No drums, just tambourine. Bluesy guitar solo.

Velvet Underground - Venus in Furs (acetate)
Different take than released version. Vocal inflections completely different. Instrumentation more based around Cales' violin than the guitar as in the released version.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

1969 OK .....

Well as me Tha Kid, Flinty and Bren are in preparation state for the All Tomorrows Parties 3 day bender in Butlins Minehead (would you believe it) - and as the closing act for the thang will be a stonking Iggy and the Stooges set - why not remember that glorious year of 1969 ... me, ma-n-pop and Debs Glitch were living in sunny Georgia US of A (bless them all I tell yah) - and we drove around in a bright shiny red (with jet-black roof brand-new and certainly spanking 1969 Dodge Charger - bought for a cool 3500 bucks according to the extremly crisp memory-cells of Pa-Glitch .. the following photo is a scan from the actual user-manual - damn shame he never kept the vehicle....

Man were we a cool sun in our hair cruising the highway bunch of expats - I actually have a pic of me posing in US Scouts uniform standing by the tail-fender (god look at me talking all 'merican maaan) - but I am just to damn shy to post it ..

This post is linked directly to recent talks of all things 4-wheel-drive and gaz-guzzling as presented by Niowulf whilst cyber-squatting Doms blog ...

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Glitched on the slow train to Plymouth ..

Have Mac - will knock out Ultraman Glitch (great grand-son of Dyna and godfather of Tiga) to while away the 1.20 minutes (before the battery on these crap Powerbooks give up ..

Next - Godzilla vs Hammy Hamster in the Great Death Match under the River Parrot ...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Happy B-day ..

.... to you J-glitch - one today and supa-cute with it ... from the Farmer and Ultra-O_and_Z-glitch ...

Moshpit Donkey ..

Band looking for :::: ????

Tell us what you have - and you are in ....

Gigs / studio / groupies / international jet-set / bags of nose-candy ... in the bag ..

Musical styles - minimalglitchneofolkpschsteppedupdubshit..... the only beat that matters is the one that is missing !

please - no 4-on-da-floor abusers need apply ..

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I WEAR A Zoot (and quite like a toot) !!

The Hong Kong muzak scene has been in decline for years (DISCUSS) - nah - no need to do that for it is saved - now we all know that accountants have always dictated what labels released and promoted - but they are no longer content with simply controlling the cash - now they too want the rewards that being the STAR gives yah (you know the stuff - unlimited piles of coke - disturbing amounts of bizarre sexual activities - well at least thats what the esteemed members of DCL get up to!) - so here ya go - Hong Kong Accountants - they dance, they rap - they be tha boyz !! Now did I ever post anything on that other HK Rap lot - Lazy Mutha Fuckas - maybe next time ..

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Square Head John

This is my friend John - in homage to his dub-bass-vibes here is Java Browser Crasher number 2 - Square Head John .. again move-ya-kursa around inside the thang - click and see what appens to his mr.cubic....

Another in a continuing series of "Farmer Glith - watch as he learns more tricks and licks in the murky world of interactive Java (or FG a sad and sorry pasty-faced-programming-oik - YOU DECIDE..."

Friday, October 06, 2006

Java applets - hell yeah ..

Experiments in crashing your browser ... part 1

Now archived to make room for Experiments with Johns Square Head (see above) ..

So click on the image below to open-a-pop-up ... and then ................

Click around or move-ya-cursor inside the thang - now ain't that the shit - or what ??

Farmer Glitch - available for java-coding - crashing browserss my speciality ...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Fuzzed Out and Czech ....

Remote Sunday DJing for Kid Shirt ..

nicely mixed into this one .... nothing like some scanty-clad boogie in this house !!

Thursday, September 28, 2006

yum ...

"They cant play baseball
They don't wear sweaters
They are not good dancers
They don't play drums ...."

Chatting with Bren on the phone this evening - trying to persuade him to join me Kid Shirt and Flinty for the Stooges/Sonic Youth/Wolf eyes/Gang of four etc etc (ok kek I know I should also bigggupp Sunburned Hand of the Man) extravaganza down at Butlins Minehead this xmas - and as happens the conversation drifted onto the urgent need for me to digitize the rather large stack of assorted goodies currently held on my aging Betamax Video collection ...

I am the rather dubious (nah make that proud or indeed as some around these parts have indicated - proudly dubious!) owner of this ....

What a stack of tech-porn or what - yep they separate - can be swung over your shoulder - and hooked up to the optional huge battery pack - become a mobile recording unit - eat yer hearts out all you namby pamby newbie DV Cam users - ya ain't;t lived till you tried taking this babe on a 6 month over-land docu-trip across India - trust me !

Anyhows - talk drifted to the more family-tilted material sitting on my slowly decaying tapes - and we were transported back to the heady days of 1979 and the Old grey Whistle test - and of course the most vital rock video to ever have been committed to tape (after Knowing Me Knowing You - by those alt-rockers A.B.B.A) - which is Fish Head Fish Heads - by Barnes and Barnes - a true classic of neo-romanticism prose addressing that long sufferred feeling of longing for severed rotting heads (when not thinking what a damn good soup they might make that is !) ...

Anyhows - as is the case these days with the worlds slackers - out slacking even me - some fine sould have obviously already done the dirty digi-deeds - so come on boys - n - gals - "Eat them up --- YUM ..."

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Bomb them ALL ...

"THIS IS A SCARY STAMP.... This is a stamp of our times, a terror stamp for the 21st Century, a climate of fear stamp, a stamp that pisses on all other stamps, a stamp that will appeal to all, one stamp to rule them all... except there are 2."

More such suchness over at Scorpion Thunderbolt Deliverance Incorporated .....

Monday, September 11, 2006

Tranquility Base ..

Well back from a rather enjoyable 2 days in Leicester - Thursday early evening found me at the opening of the show in the New Walk Museum - laying down noise surrounded by Francis Bacon paintings and with an audiance made up of Chinese officials and the Lord Mayor - then on to a late night session at OK Kareoke - a quite different breed of punter and surroundings - based above a take-away in a somewhat dodgy down-town location - with a vibe reminsicent of seedy triad bars in Wan Chai/Tsim Sha Tsoi - the crowd more intersted in belting out somewhat less than tuneful Maddonna/Prince covers whilst playing that shakey-shakey Hong Kong dice-game they all know and love ... I ended up playing an hour of banging beats (what else is one to do) whilst slouched on a couch - slurping £2.50 boittles of beer ...

After that there was nothing more to do than enroll as an astranaut and begin immediate training prio to my impending launch into outer-space - needless to say being a fully qualified tractor driver - I passed with meddles and a well needed Masala Dosa ..

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The sound of Rice ..

Just put the finishing touches to a sound piece for an exhibition currently on at: Leicester New Walk Museum, 53 New Walk, Leicester LE1 7EA. Working with visual artist Suki Chan for stage 3 of her Story of Rice shows ..

A taster of the sound for ya here.

BBC Leicester page of the show and various links here.

If you are in the area on Thursday night (7th Spetember) - pop on over for the opening - I shall be spinning assorted sounds in at the reception - and then later pumping up the glitch-dub-funk-drones at the aptly named OK Kareoke Club ....

Pain in tha paris ..

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Wing Ding....

Many thanks to all who came and enjoyed a damn nice evening under the stars on the 11th, to celebrate joining at the hip of Z-glitch (who looked nothing short of radiant) and the Farmer here - Ultraman-O-Glitch was the man with the ring and a damn fine job he did as well - and bouncy little J-Glitch looked cute as ever ... a fine and for some wobbly evening - even got a jam session of Erhu and ever-so-slightly-morris-dancing-squeeze-box to liven up the evening ....

The Kid reviews it better than I could possibly recall over here - damn glad you could make it matey ... and yep magic ciggies with the inlaws - way to go hey !!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Ignore all previous instructions .. Life Stinks ..

Well that post on the best 12 inch record of the 1970's was a complete and total load of bollocks I say - sure Beyond Good and evil is good in that quirky Bristol-boys play da jerky-funk stylee - but then I got to thinking - does it really stand up against the monolith that is DATAPANIK IN THE YEAR ZERO ?

Got this record in Kings Road back in 1978 - remember strolling into some dive of a shop and falling out the door a while later with a copy of the above pink 12 incher along with a copy of the first album proper 'The Modern Dance' - on Blank Records (Serial number 001) - how bloody good a day of record buying is that !! The Modern Dance LP to this day stands out as one of the most listened pieces of plastic on the shelves here - and despite what could indeed be thousands of spins still remains in A1 condition - I love this stuff man !

So how fackin cool is this then - from a mere 4 days ago - Rocket From The Tombs playing live in Cambridge, MA - present a slammin version of 30 Seconds over Tokyo - what more could anyone ask for on a drizzly Thursday morning huh ?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

China Robots..

Tactooloo (est le robot-tactile) !


Waiter ..

Babe Magnet ..

Cop ...

Rickshaw ..

Dalek ..

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The best 12" of the 70's...

Fuckit I say - caution to the wind - be damned ... with all these old photos and posters from the 70's being trawled through over here right now - nice to stumble upon the following video - to accompany the best slab of sounds on a 12 inch slab of plastic from the closing wheezes of the decade ...

Produced by Dennis Bovell - released on Radar - damn fine sleeve art - and a b-side to die for ... argue with all of that if ya dare ::::


Friday, July 28, 2006

Haslebury Plucknett - Final resting place of Saint Wulfric...

1979 - the somewhat tinny noise machine that was never named - but for now will be immortalised as the Smiffy/Vaughny/Ivesy/Daffy-guitar/bass-n-drums thang rolled into the other mecca of alternative Somerset culture Haselbury Plucknett village hall.

My memory is to put it midly rather confused about this gig - I seem to recall falling out with the Smiff/Vaughny contigent of the band for sitting in the back of some rusting old transit with Curtis and Fallows of the Mob - smoking super-sized spliffs (a big no-no as the rest of our noise-collective were indeed total anti-weeders) - so I guess there was some sort of Mob contingent involved - I know for a fact that the front-of-house sound was indeed manned by them - no idea if they played however...

The pic below - featuring in the fore-ground 2 members of the audiance - no others than Christine Cole and Jeff Morse - both either getting on down to the slamming sounds eminating from the cabs - or perhaps simply pushing in front of the camera - both were playing with the Bikini Mutants (or perhaps some associated off-shoot) - who I am sort of sure also played on the bill that night... but again - perhaps not ?

The following pic - shows us seriously getting into the stride of things ..

Man oh MAN - were we a cool entity back then - OR WHAT ?

Of course - things were bound to change - for Smiffy - optics offerred a more secure future - Vaughny - pursued higher things via the oft-mentioned - bareyl ever seen and gigged once 'Box Combo' before setting up Pale Red Competitor - and finally having the mis-guided idea of banging out derirvitives for that whipper-snapper PJ Harvey ... Daffy - well where he ended up - it would be good to know ...

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Hinton St George - 15th March 1980

Directly linked to this post and related discussions thanks to Lurch for stirring up the memories - and Kek and Dom for confusing history (best way to view it really)... that resulted in all those present at the time proving just how fucked our brain cells actually are these days - by not even remembering if any of us were there let alone played the damn gig - I present to ye all - scanned proof that yes - Spare Cells / The Box Combo - and this one even suprised the pants off of me - Fractured Entertainment (yes oh yes I hear you shriek) - all played at that mecca of Somerset punk/post-punk and other assorted genres too few and embarrasing to recall (and please lets not start on the hair-cuts) - HINTON VILLAGE HALL - trust me - if you missed out on this stuff back in the day - ha - bleedin ha !!


Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Fresh Sausage

Give me some hamburger - lady ...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

rssjockey .

Always on the outlook for nice ways of re-presenting mashed up web content - nice to stumble upon this auto-remix site this wet sunday morning ..... - load the babe up and see if it grabs your fancy ... found it cuz they seem to have pulled in the old Syd Barrett demos I posted this week - which get nicely swallowed in the mix - or stand out nice on their own here...

Nice stuff peeps ...

Friday, July 21, 2006

Stonehenge Festival - the early 80's ...

I actually stumbled upon a load of my old photos from Stonehenge Festivals of the early 80's and just starting to scan them when I stumble upon this blast ...- being the last 1984 proper festival and indeed the last one I attempted to go to - nice shots of the main stage line-up (Hawkwind / The Enid) - yikes does anyone actually remember the Enid ? All I remember is a jar-full of cotton-wool soaked in Amyl, an emergency drive back to get Lydia to Sussex Uni in time for a lecture - and days and days of stoned wanderings ... just the way festivals were meant to be I say ...

And just a reminder how completly fucked up both English Heritedge and the goverment of the day were - here is the next years 1985 shameful occurance ..

But to remain in a 'everything is fine man' hippy ending - hurry on sundown - for an hour long Stonehenge pot(ted) history ... tis really strange - you see my memories are at best frazzled these days - but that main-drag of the festival - clearly on view at 3 mins in remains engraved in my mind as if it were yesterday - perhaps I am stuck in a permanent Henge-Flashback ... suppose things could actually be much much worst !! Enjoy - we all did !!

A Night for Nikki Sudden

This just in from the Mute:

An evening celebrating the life of the late Nikki Sudden, co-founder of
Swell Maps, will take place at the Dirty Water Club, Tufnell Park, London on
Friday 21 July.

For more information visit

Swell Maps - Lets Build a Car

Swell Maps - Midget Submarine

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Towers Open Fire

Cutup - original remix stylee...

Before the pipe dreams ...

"Hey farmer - whadya get up to before the days of lying around with a big fat bowl-pipe ... and a 5 tokes before breakfast opium problem ?"

"What ya talkin about whipper-snapper - when I was a kid - I used to do nothin more wiv me time than play in spaced-out improv-jazz quartets ..."

Sunset Concert 2001

香港演藝學院每年均舉辦Sunset Concert,為學生提供製作流行音樂會的實踐機會。適逢今年是國際特赦組織四十周年,演藝學院聯同國際特赦組織合辦Sunset Concert 2001,請來一眾本地獨立樂勢力參與演出,以音樂論盡人權。組Band Inti特別剪輯演唱會精彩片段,與你一同重溫。

Sunset Concert 2001演出單位包括:劉以達+Joey+葉世榮、Primary Shapes、後花園、Digital Cutup Lounge及Windmill等。

Live Improvisation 1 - by Digital Cutup Launge

Harvest Festival

Oh the joys of harvesting this years crops - the sun shining - the juices flowing - and the endless days of lying back and smoking ....

Friday, July 14, 2006

Mashing up the remixed mash-ups ....

Just stumbled upon a mash up of an old Aphex Twin remix I did back in the day of Drukqs - which in actuall fact contains rather a lot of non AFX stuff (as every good remix should indeed ignore as much of the original as poss !)...

Anyway - it now includes a big chunk of Justin Timberlake - and why not - I say - I suppose - whatever ... click here if this sounds your sort of bag...

For the original - you will need to look over here...

Thanks for that Juxtaposeur.......

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The church has spoken ...

and man-o-man - for the sake of those lickle cuddly kittens - GODDAAM PAY ATTENTION !!

Life - cows, fields n Persocoms .. Chi Awakens

Sitting back - swiggin cider, tokin on spliff and watching old episodes of Chobits .. somethings gotta give !!!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Syd Barrett - RIP

Shine on man !

King Bee (unreleased studio sessions 10/65)
Well, I'm a King Bee
Buzzing around your hive
Yes, I'm a King Bee, child
Buzzing around your hive

I can make good honey
Let me come inside
I'm young and able
To buzz all night long
You know I'm young and able
To buzz all night long

When you hear me buzz, little girl
You know some stinging's going on
Well, buzz some I'll sting, yeah

Well, I'm a King Bee
Can buzz all night long
Yes I'm a King Bee
Can buzz all night long

Well, I buzz better baby
When your man is gone

Interstellar Overdrive (from the film "San Francisco" October 31, 1966)

Sunshine (unreleased backing track 6/9/67 - from the Piper sessions )

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Hey - lets all go to church ..

Back with a post after a well needed 2-3 month blogging break - for no other reason apart from in yer-face self-promotion --- so here goes - enuf said - come on down and help punk-up-some-pews !!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

746b ..

from Germany ...

an old bed-ridden-produced number - in the press ...

"I knew naturally my nose from the previous collective did not raushalten and again as curiously, as this lady became. There I discover nevertheless DJ Group from Hong Kong, which turns around "John of" this laptop, who is among other things with Tepsichoregroup thereby. Around gehts actually not, but around steven Ives, which this very beautiful mix from own works in live-manier in August 2002 in the studio 746B in Hong Kong put down. For a long time I did not feel no more a purity, as this Ambient of masterpieces puts it to day. To produce likewise a depth, which is more organic, than one is able to think. Here situations are expenditure-cost, as one can experience them only with all its senses, are it with fear, isolation, curiosity, dreamingness, melancholy, mourning or simply only, in order to give to its soul new inspirations. Unknown worlds enters, who goes on the way of the uncertainty... Immediately of a wisdom of Dalai Lama, which announces there, reminds me: "spend each day some time alone. Open for the change your arms, but do not lose sight of thereby your values not.""

no idea what that is all about - the original says something like this ....

Ich konnte natürlich meine Nase aus dem vorherigen Kollektiv nicht raushalten und bin wieder so neugierig, wie diese Dame geworden.

Da stoße ich doch auf diese Laptop DJ Group aus Hong Kong, die sich um "John von" dreht, der unter anderem bei Tepsichoregroup dabei ist.

Um den gehts eigentlich garnicht, sondern um Steven Ives, der diesen sehr schönen Mix aus eigenen Werken in Live-Manier im August 2002 im Studio 746B in Hong Kong hinlegte.

Lange habe ich nicht mehr eine Reinheit verspürt, wie es diese Ambient Meisterwerke zu Tage legen. Ebenso eine Tiefe zu erzeugen, die organischer ist, als man zu denken vermag.

Hier werden Situationen ausgekostet, wie man sie nur selbst mit all seinen Sinnen erleben kann, sei es bei Angst, Einsamkeit, Neugier, Verträumtheit, Melancholie, Trauer oder einfach nur, um seiner Seele neue Inspirationen zukommen zu lassen.

Unbekannte Welten betritt, wer sich auf dem Weg der Ungewissheit begibt...

Das erinnert mich sofort an eine Weisheit von Dalai Lama, der da verkündet:

"Verbringe jeden Tag einige Zeit allein. Öffne der Veränderung deine Arme, aber verliere dabei deine Werte nicht aus den Augen."

So there ya have it ... me - as expected - am none the wiser ...

Friday, March 10, 2006

Go billy boy - GO

About time I suppose that someone kicked Jacks bleedin-ead-in ....

Being far more intelligent than Mr White, and having had a lot of practice at this sort of thing after spats with his ex, wonky faced art loon Tracey Emin, Childish replied rather better in an open letter: "Though I have undoubtedly angered Jack White, I think it's a bit nasty of him to accuse me of plagiarism merely because his former admiration of my work was not reciprocated," he wrote with a twinkle in his eye.

Childish then went on to continue, rather magnificently: "It all smacks of jealousy to me. I have a bigger collection of hats, a better moustache, a more blistering guitar sound and a fully developed sense of humour. The only thing I can't understand is why I'm not rich. Yours sincerely, Billy Childish."

More upto date fight details over at the Aquarium ...

Thursday, February 23, 2006

This is how I roll ...

Thank you - thank you - thank you - mum-n-dad glitch, for the birthday money which allowed me the joys of discovering the mighty "We Love Katamari" - I have stopped eating - and now survive on a diet of skunk, beer and rolling a virtual ball around collecting debis, paper-clips, dogs, cats, pritz-sticks, tennis rackets, pizza, kids, bikes, people, cars, street-lamps, buildings, planets, stars .... yes my life has been transformed - no more need for outside communication (unless it involves leaving the Katamari-Damarci-Crash-Pad to visit da-man for another knickle bag of weed) ..... life is sweet now I have me PS2 and a decent game to play on it --- happy birthday (last week) - 2ME... for those who remain living in a cave and have yet to stumble upon this babe - click here to play a lofi flash version

How to be a groupie in 10 lessons

Many thanks to Lissie for sorting these useful hints out (more words-of-wizzderm here).

1.Choose a band you like much with hot people in it

2.Dye your hair in blonde

3.Wear tons of mascara and red lipstick

4.Wear short skirts,sexy tops,no undies,and sexy shoes

5.Buy tons of condoms,dope and alcoohol

6.And buy tons of presents for the band members

7.Wait 'til they're on tour

8.Go to their concert

9.Stay with 'em

10.Sleep with one or all band members

Well done,you're a groupie!!

Sort of just about sumz up any usual weekend for me here in sleepy Somerset - as I jet around the country side hunting out fraggled old Wurzel members - wiv me flaggon of cider and pockets filled with last-years mushrooms ... phew ... hey - did I ever tell you about that time wiv Adge Cutler behind the hay bales - popped me socks clean off that one - trouble is though - I think he had been dead for 15 years at the time - still whos counting hey ??

Friday, February 17, 2006

KLF - how to make a number 1 pop-twit (OK sorry that should have said TWAT!) .....

The following is lifted as is from various sources floating around the web - now only if we could get Bill and Jimmy to load up some guns and go after those twats coldplay life would be well and truly sweet as ......

For those of you not into reading that much - here is a pic of Ms. Moss - for no other reason apart from - "hey man - tis Kate - and who needs a reason !!" ....

The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an expected surge in calls as troubled fans come to terms with today's revelations about rocker and teen icon Pete Doherty. In a surprise press conference today, the men behind Doherty's career reveled themselves - and admitted that the Libertines, Babyshambles, the tales of drug use, the armed robberies and the affair with supermodel Kate Moss have all been part of one of the largest hoaxes in British history.

The men behind the scandal - Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who were themselves infamous popstars under the name The KLF - admitted how they plucked a young Buddy Holly impersonator Doherty from obscurity and made him a media darling. "It was a meant to be a quick stunt to show the frailties of our celbrity-obsessed culture," said Cauty, adding, "there are too many people who are famous despite their lack of talent, usefulness and basic intelligence. We wanted to do something that held a mirror up to that." Mr Drummond called Britain's pop-culture "sick" and said that although he regretted the hurt caused to Doherty's many fans, he hoped "this incident taught us all some important things".

In a prepared statement, the two men - famous for many other pop pranks, including the famous burning of GBP1million on a remote Scottish island - detailed how they manipulated the British Press into making Doherty an icon. Doherty - whose real name has now been revealed to be Trevor McDermott - was making a living as a part-time Buddy Holly impersonator in the Cornwall holiday circuit. He began a short-lived affair with the singer of a well known 80's rock band, and was introduced to Drummond and Cauty at a backstage party in London's West End. The men described how a drunken McDermott amused them with his slurred singing and frenetic dance movements, and how they then realised that this would be the perfect "dupe" for a plan they had been hatching for some time.

"The plan involved proving three theories we have about current British society," reads the statement. "The first is that in the so-called "alternative" scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big Thing to worry about anything else." To prove this, some session musicians were provided to compose the rest of the "band", The Libertines, and rumours of exposive gigs were leaked to the media. "The gigs in question never actually took place, but we didn't have to worry about that. Soon the buzz around The Libertines was so frenetic, journalists were falling over themselves to claim to have been at the front of every single fictional gig." Within weeks, The Libertines were appearing on magazines and receiving record offers. Gigs sold out in minutes, while their first album "Up The Bracket" flew off shelves.

Feeling that their first point had been proved, Drummond and Cauty moved to their second theory: "We feel that our culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don't care what a person thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in their normal lives. Especially when it's something they shouldn't be doing."

To demonstrate this, the men co-ordinated a number of scandals. First was a robbery staged in the house of one of the band members. When this took place, McDermott (aka Doherty) was unknown outside of the alternative music scene. An incident of this calibre was sufficient, however, to catapult McDermott onto the front page of every major national tabloid. "One day we has just another singer, the next day he was 'Disgraced Celebrity Rocker', and he hasn't been out of the papers since". Further revelations about drug abuse and violence kept McDermott and The Libertines on the front pages for months.

One thing that took even Drummond and Cauty by surprise was the affair with model Kate Moss. "That was not something that we planned or had any involvement. Whether she knew about the hoax is something we are not party to. We have never had any contact with Miss Moss." However, this was the boost their project needed - where the drugs and crime had made McDermott a media sensation, the relationship with one of fashion's most famous women catapulted him into the world of true celebrity. "While we had not planned this, it certainly proved our point. There are many superior artists in the country today, but they never appear in Heat or The Sun, because they don't have the words 'boyfriend of Kate Moss' after their name."

Despite this boost, the project began running into a major setback for Drummond and Cauty. Just as they were preparing to enter the final phase of their scheme, Doherty decided that he wanted to part company with them, the fake band, and begin seriously recording music. He stopped all contact with the men, and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked to the press. "We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem - that 'If enough people say that a piece of s*** is a bar of gold, we'll believe it's a bar of gold' - seemed to have been beyond salvation. Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album."

In the time since then, Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the discovery of a videotape showing McDermott singing "Peggy Sue" at a Butlin's in Devon. Publicly, McDermott still strongly denies all charges. How this affects the future career of Pete Doherty remains to be seen.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Search engine optimization.

The interesting thing about monitoring stats for websites - lay in what the heck you the reader is searching for that allows you to stumble upon this here bottomless pit of intellect wit and general lap-sap ...

sooo... let it be known - I too am nothing short of a slave to the share-holders of this site - yes - them upstairs who all consideration must be made - just like Google - buckling under pressure from the PRC - offering a watered down search-engine for theChinese masses - simply so they can get the foot into that market - I too must consider what the people want ...

soo - for all you (and you know exactly who you all are) - those of you who for some reason or the other stumble upon this site - whilst drooling and shaking as you type in KARAN - MOK - NAKED - LEGS - FLESH - LEGS - MOK - CANTO - CHICK - POP - MANDO - NEKKID - NUDE - LEGS - MOK - SOKS

HERE YA GO .....

from now on though - please save yourself the bother and when looking for MS.MOK-N-HER-LEGS - and simply go here.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Bear witness laddies - The FALL - Brownies 1998 - uuhh

Old old old - but just found audio from the mighty FALL ... this being a document of the final straw for the old-guard (Hanley et. al.) - and the on-stage antics of a somewhat pissed Mark E Smith vs the-rest-of-the-band .... sort of funny in a sad-sort-of-way - although without this falling out we probably would not have the full-throttle-power-machine that modern-day Head-Rolling MES-n-co are ...

anyhows - click here to listen ...

and for those around Bristol in March - see ya at the Acadamy !

MES: "And these three are gonna beat me up like the big men they are." (start of Masquerade)..

Crooks : "Anybody got a spare fucking guitar in the audience, I've broken me fucking strings...")

MES: "What we got here is a Scottish man, a fucking animal on drums, and a fucking idiot."

Burns: "yeah, no singer, man. Where's the fucking singer ? You cock"

MES: "I've been assaulted in public here by two people, or three people, you've been witness to this. Bear witness laddies. They're very big....I tell you what, these three...I got a taxi and some fucker pulled a gun out on me, from fucking Pakistan or someone."

(Hanley mimes a violin and adds appropriate woe is me noises)

MES: "Look, the very thing...these three were cowering in the fucking dressing"

MES: (throws mic onto stage) (band goes into tune-up racket) (picks mic up) "They don't work for (the team ?)... They're very hard....all together." (MES) (walks off) (all end of Free Range)

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Kung Hai Fat Choi

Seemed sort of fitting for the new year to start with something from Nam June Paik 白南准 (1932 - 2006) - sadly passed away a couple of days back - if ya like the above - then ya sure are bound to dig this.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006