Thursday, February 23, 2006

This is how I roll ...

Thank you - thank you - thank you - mum-n-dad glitch, for the birthday money which allowed me the joys of discovering the mighty "We Love Katamari" - I have stopped eating - and now survive on a diet of skunk, beer and rolling a virtual ball around collecting debis, paper-clips, dogs, cats, pritz-sticks, tennis rackets, pizza, kids, bikes, people, cars, street-lamps, buildings, planets, stars .... yes my life has been transformed - no more need for outside communication (unless it involves leaving the Katamari-Damarci-Crash-Pad to visit da-man for another knickle bag of weed) ..... life is sweet now I have me PS2 and a decent game to play on it --- happy birthday (last week) - 2ME... for those who remain living in a cave and have yet to stumble upon this babe - click here to play a lofi flash version

How to be a groupie in 10 lessons

Many thanks to Lissie for sorting these useful hints out (more words-of-wizzderm here).

1.Choose a band you like much with hot people in it

2.Dye your hair in blonde

3.Wear tons of mascara and red lipstick

4.Wear short skirts,sexy tops,no undies,and sexy shoes

5.Buy tons of condoms,dope and alcoohol

6.And buy tons of presents for the band members

7.Wait 'til they're on tour

8.Go to their concert

9.Stay with 'em

10.Sleep with one or all band members

Well done,you're a groupie!!

Sort of just about sumz up any usual weekend for me here in sleepy Somerset - as I jet around the country side hunting out fraggled old Wurzel members - wiv me flaggon of cider and pockets filled with last-years mushrooms ... phew ... hey - did I ever tell you about that time wiv Adge Cutler behind the hay bales - popped me socks clean off that one - trouble is though - I think he had been dead for 15 years at the time - still whos counting hey ??

Friday, February 17, 2006

KLF - how to make a number 1 pop-twit (OK sorry that should have said TWAT!) .....

The following is lifted as is from various sources floating around the web - now only if we could get Bill and Jimmy to load up some guns and go after those twats coldplay life would be well and truly sweet as ......

For those of you not into reading that much - here is a pic of Ms. Moss - for no other reason apart from - "hey man - tis Kate - and who needs a reason !!" ....

The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an expected surge in calls as troubled fans come to terms with today's revelations about rocker and teen icon Pete Doherty. In a surprise press conference today, the men behind Doherty's career reveled themselves - and admitted that the Libertines, Babyshambles, the tales of drug use, the armed robberies and the affair with supermodel Kate Moss have all been part of one of the largest hoaxes in British history.

The men behind the scandal - Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who were themselves infamous popstars under the name The KLF - admitted how they plucked a young Buddy Holly impersonator Doherty from obscurity and made him a media darling. "It was a meant to be a quick stunt to show the frailties of our celbrity-obsessed culture," said Cauty, adding, "there are too many people who are famous despite their lack of talent, usefulness and basic intelligence. We wanted to do something that held a mirror up to that." Mr Drummond called Britain's pop-culture "sick" and said that although he regretted the hurt caused to Doherty's many fans, he hoped "this incident taught us all some important things".

In a prepared statement, the two men - famous for many other pop pranks, including the famous burning of GBP1million on a remote Scottish island - detailed how they manipulated the British Press into making Doherty an icon. Doherty - whose real name has now been revealed to be Trevor McDermott - was making a living as a part-time Buddy Holly impersonator in the Cornwall holiday circuit. He began a short-lived affair with the singer of a well known 80's rock band, and was introduced to Drummond and Cauty at a backstage party in London's West End. The men described how a drunken McDermott amused them with his slurred singing and frenetic dance movements, and how they then realised that this would be the perfect "dupe" for a plan they had been hatching for some time.

"The plan involved proving three theories we have about current British society," reads the statement. "The first is that in the so-called "alternative" scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big Thing to worry about anything else." To prove this, some session musicians were provided to compose the rest of the "band", The Libertines, and rumours of exposive gigs were leaked to the media. "The gigs in question never actually took place, but we didn't have to worry about that. Soon the buzz around The Libertines was so frenetic, journalists were falling over themselves to claim to have been at the front of every single fictional gig." Within weeks, The Libertines were appearing on magazines and receiving record offers. Gigs sold out in minutes, while their first album "Up The Bracket" flew off shelves.

Feeling that their first point had been proved, Drummond and Cauty moved to their second theory: "We feel that our culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don't care what a person thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in their normal lives. Especially when it's something they shouldn't be doing."

To demonstrate this, the men co-ordinated a number of scandals. First was a robbery staged in the house of one of the band members. When this took place, McDermott (aka Doherty) was unknown outside of the alternative music scene. An incident of this calibre was sufficient, however, to catapult McDermott onto the front page of every major national tabloid. "One day we has just another singer, the next day he was 'Disgraced Celebrity Rocker', and he hasn't been out of the papers since". Further revelations about drug abuse and violence kept McDermott and The Libertines on the front pages for months.

One thing that took even Drummond and Cauty by surprise was the affair with model Kate Moss. "That was not something that we planned or had any involvement. Whether she knew about the hoax is something we are not party to. We have never had any contact with Miss Moss." However, this was the boost their project needed - where the drugs and crime had made McDermott a media sensation, the relationship with one of fashion's most famous women catapulted him into the world of true celebrity. "While we had not planned this, it certainly proved our point. There are many superior artists in the country today, but they never appear in Heat or The Sun, because they don't have the words 'boyfriend of Kate Moss' after their name."

Despite this boost, the project began running into a major setback for Drummond and Cauty. Just as they were preparing to enter the final phase of their scheme, Doherty decided that he wanted to part company with them, the fake band, and begin seriously recording music. He stopped all contact with the men, and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked to the press. "We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem - that 'If enough people say that a piece of s*** is a bar of gold, we'll believe it's a bar of gold' - seemed to have been beyond salvation. Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album."

In the time since then, Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the discovery of a videotape showing McDermott singing "Peggy Sue" at a Butlin's in Devon. Publicly, McDermott still strongly denies all charges. How this affects the future career of Pete Doherty remains to be seen.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Search engine optimization.

The interesting thing about monitoring stats for websites - lay in what the heck you the reader is searching for that allows you to stumble upon this here bottomless pit of intellect wit and general lap-sap ...

sooo... let it be known - I too am nothing short of a slave to the share-holders of this site - yes - them upstairs who all consideration must be made - just like Google - buckling under pressure from the PRC - offering a watered down search-engine for theChinese masses - simply so they can get the foot into that market - I too must consider what the people want ...

soo - for all you (and you know exactly who you all are) - those of you who for some reason or the other stumble upon this site - whilst drooling and shaking as you type in KARAN - MOK - NAKED - LEGS - FLESH - LEGS - MOK - CANTO - CHICK - POP - MANDO - NEKKID - NUDE - LEGS - MOK - SOKS

HERE YA GO .....

from now on though - please save yourself the bother and when looking for MS.MOK-N-HER-LEGS - and simply go here.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Bear witness laddies - The FALL - Brownies 1998 - uuhh

Old old old - but just found audio from the mighty FALL ... this being a document of the final straw for the old-guard (Hanley et. al.) - and the on-stage antics of a somewhat pissed Mark E Smith vs the-rest-of-the-band .... sort of funny in a sad-sort-of-way - although without this falling out we probably would not have the full-throttle-power-machine that modern-day Head-Rolling MES-n-co are ...

anyhows - click here to listen ...

and for those around Bristol in March - see ya at the Acadamy !

MES: "And these three are gonna beat me up like the big men they are." (start of Masquerade)..

Crooks : "Anybody got a spare fucking guitar in the audience, I've broken me fucking strings...")

MES: "What we got here is a Scottish man, a fucking animal on drums, and a fucking idiot."

Burns: "yeah, no singer, man. Where's the fucking singer ? You cock"

MES: "I've been assaulted in public here by two people, or three people, you've been witness to this. Bear witness laddies. They're very big....I tell you what, these three...I got a taxi and some fucker pulled a gun out on me, from fucking Pakistan or someone."

(Hanley mimes a violin and adds appropriate woe is me noises)

MES: "Look, the very thing...these three were cowering in the fucking dressing"

MES: (throws mic onto stage) (band goes into tune-up racket) (picks mic up) "They don't work for (the team ?)... They're very hard....all together." (MES) (walks off) (all end of Free Range)

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Kung Hai Fat Choi

Seemed sort of fitting for the new year to start with something from Nam June Paik 白南准 (1932 - 2006) - sadly passed away a couple of days back - if ya like the above - then ya sure are bound to dig this.