Long distance dildo ....

What have ya got plugged into your USB port BABY - something big - and hard - and spinning - yep - I actually have a 160-gig external hard-drive plugged in mine - best not ask me about the 4 firewire ports - that is toooo personal .... seems however (at last) - the tech has caught up with the chatrooms/vid-cams/online-arousal-portals - and now ya can wire-up your genitals and let someone remote - twang-em (or whatever one does in such situations !!!) ...



more details and info on the Chinese enforced ban over at Running Dog

South Petherton in Pictures .....

weird shit happenning .....

Give me some chicken ...

It is official - from this weeks Hong Kong Maxim - check out the above-title header for what todays men are drooling after ... and you thought what they really wanted was Hong Kong actress Meng Jiahui (蒙嘉慧) - wrong again boyo..... its that finga-lickin-chicken that does it every time !!

Pride and Envy Lounge

Pride and Envy Lounge

Just re-found this on the web - not too sure who did it - but a bucnh of our DCL tracks were incorporated with some spoken word sermon and graphics of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel - then mixed and streamed using quicktime (smil for you tech-headz) ... everything being presented real-time from the web ! Well, the ceiling image is missing now - so you can no longer recreate this mashedup-mash-up ..... but for those expeimenting with the joys of computer dj-ing - here are the links that (broadband permitting), would allow you to have a backgorund of 2 year old Digital Cutup Lounge tracks (plus visuals), overlayed with "Pride and Envy" by the Demonic Duo - and I quoteth :::

"These sins are often considered to be opposite problems: The pride of superiority and the envy of inferiority. This lesson manifests the common weakness, which opens the door to both sins. The attitude is, in fact, identical for both sins. They differ only in the manifestation under opposite circumstances."

Enjoy (sort of) ...

Digital Cutup Lounge - 5 track quicktime movie

Pride and Envy - Demonic Duo

15th February ...

Yesterday the 15th was my birthday - so what more to say - than "happy birthday to me ...." - a fun day had my me and me and a scattering of non-me types - including a suprise package of Cds from Kid Shirt of the rather excellent Interim by the mighty Fall (kids forget what the negative feedback has suggested - this CD kicks and in a thrown-together type of way - out shines last years 'Country on a Click') - also included a Grime04 home-made compilation CDR of dubbed-up grime gems ...... O-Glitch at his tender age really be diggin the dub-step (ya bet) ....

Anyways - other news on the 15th of Feb for history-buffs (courtesy of the Today and Counting listserver - http://welovehk.hopto.org/today.html

February 15 2005 (Tuesday)
cloudy and smoggy

Overnight: Nepal's king has released Former Prime Minister Surya Bahadur Thapa, a prominent lawyer and a senior leader of the country's biggest communist party from house arrest or detention.

At least 203 miners are killed in China's worst reported mining disaster since 1942

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On Feb 15 2003, millions of protesters around the world demonstrated against the threat of a U.S. war on Iraq in over 600 cities worldwide. Estimates from 10,000,000-15,000,000 make this the largest day of protest in history.

On Feb 15 2000, in Argentina Pres. Fernando de la Rua had ordered a purge of the military and civilian intelligence apparatus and that over 1,500 agents had been fired or retired.

On Feb 15 1989, the Soviet Union announced that the last of its 100,000 troops had left Afghanistan, after more than 9 years of military intervention.

On Feb 15 1950, Josef Stalin and Mao Zedong signed a mutual defense treaty in Moscow.

Count down :

• 45 days to Zimbabwe's general election
• 46th day of 2005
• 139 days to Deep Impact's arrival at Comet Tempel 1
• 1 year 286 days since US declared end of war in Iraq - US death toll at 715+605*
• Estimated Iraqi death toll between 15941 ~ 18200**
• 865 days left for Tung Chi Hwa to finish his term (unless he resigns earlier)
• 2788 days since establishment of HKSAR
  

Sounds of the Exciting new Sport of Cow Racing

For reasons I will not go into quite yet - I am producing a number of short quad-mixes of various situations - for a performance (of sorts) scheduled to happen early next month at Chelsea Football Club ....

Anyhows .... in searching the web for some soundz, have stumbled upon the following somewhat disturbing 'exciting new sport' .... check it out - those cows really do know how to MOOOOOO, sort of brings back the glory dayz of the Jamms does it not (all ta-gether now "mu mu .... mu mu ...") ..

PLEASE BE WARNED::::: These sound clips contain mooing and cow bodily functions which may be objectionable to some listeners.

Sounds of the Exciting new Sport of Cow Racing

The George W. Bush Public Domain Audio Archive

Over 30 gigs of GWB audio for your download and mish-mash-mush pleasure .... damn shame really the only cutting-up that can be achieved is with his sampled voice !!

The Bots - GWB Public Domain Audio Archive

And a little fuzzy math for you ..

Streets of lhasa - Erhu and some .....

This just released from Zhang Jian an old friend and laptop experimenter in Beijing - this post actually relates back to my previous offering on Canto/Mando Pop - as before his shift from synths to laptops, he played on a large amount of the Mandopop output of the 90's (i.e. Wong Faye, Dou Wei etc...) -these recordings were taken whilst he travelled through Tibet in 2003 - on an MD - the first time I heard these was sitting behind the Deli Lama (on Lamma Island, Hong Kong, through poxy-pub-speakers, from the raw MD after he had recently returned from his trip. Presented this to a bunch of drunk/stoned gweilos (white-devils to you and me) - in zero-english, having first turned off the pounding-techno-crap - from electro to folk - and not a complaint in the house !!

An uber-cool cool guy and an excellent field-recording - as the press release states - Highly recommended.

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Streets of lhasa



Latest in the Sun City Girls' acclaimed, inspiring Sublime Frequencies series. Streets of lhasa lifts us to the high plateau of tibet where anonymous street balladeers sell folk songs for a living and ghostly voices drift in an ambience of time forgotten. Children, birds, trains, prayers and a traditional temple activity called 'bian jing' (where monks discourse about scripture and punctuate their points by clapping loudly) provide the backdrop for this disc with the folk music of the street taking center stage. These enterprising musicians sing passionate songs and play instruments like the 'erhu' and the 'san xian'. The recordings are as clear as the strings of these banjo and violin-like instruments scathed by leather fingers of the high, thin air. Tibet has been under chinese control for nearly half a century and their leader, the dalai lama, resides in exile to the south in dharamsala india. Buddhism remains of primary importance here and chants of song and prayer are heard throughout the plateau. this ornamental carnival of sound was recorded by zhang jian (of the beijing-based sound collective 'fm3') on the streets of lhasa, zhada and shigatse in august 2003. Liner notes written by `On The Wire' presenter and all-round don steve barker. Highly recommended.

http://www.boomkat.com/item.cfm?id=16417

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Tuning a Qin...

Well as it is indeed Chinese New Year today - this seems an appropriate enough time to pass on the following information - this being the most detailed (and dare I worry you the most easy to understand) mail from the 'International Guqin' listserver, regarding the tuning of a Guqin (as in Goo-chin for the pinyin restricted..).

Not too sure how I ever ended up on this thing - I do not own a Qin - however, I have played one before and indeed the following track for your download pleasure includes many sampled plucks, twangs and slides from said instrument (it sounds uber cool with a contact mic stuck on it - otherwise it is one of the most quiet instruments around):

Digital Cutup Lounge - Trad China Dub

Every chance I was somehow added to this list due to having performed numerous times with the rather excellent Fok Sai Kit and her screaching electronic Erhu (plugged into and seriously mutated with the rather nice Korg Kaoss Pad no less).


The 'electronic erhu' is a rather wondeful modern interuptation of the snake-skinned, 2 string traditional chinese instrument


... we have one of these here at home - and O-Glitch at the age of six is already making some rather pleasing soundz come from the baby, z-glitch is as they say - an expert but alas she needs some coaxing to play these days !!.,....

Anyhows - enough of my endless ranting - and down to the details - at least this post should help preserve the secrets of Tuning the Qin forever passing into the dark-hole of history-lost, taken from the only english-source (it would seem) on the web: http://www.silkqin.com/08anal/tuning.htm - makes you kind of glad that you play a standard 6-string guitar does it not ?...

1. Introduction

When my teacher first taught me to tune my guqin there was no discussion of mathematics. He said first to make a general tuning using open strings and stopped sounds, then a fine tuning using harmonics. There was no discussion of absolute pitch, and the sequence was not always the same. The following can be taken as a typical example for standard tuning.

General Tuning (Standard)
If the pitch of either the fourth string or the seventh string seems to be about right, you can start with the following six steps.

1. Bring the 7th string in tune with the 4th string by having the open 7th string have the same sound as the 4th string stopped in the 9th position.
   
2. Tune the 5th string by having the open 7th string have the same sound as the 5th string stopped in the 10th position.
   
3. Tune the 6th string by having the open 6th string have the same sound as the 4th string stopped in the 10th position.
   
4. Tune the 1st string by having the open 4th string have the same sound as the 1st string stopped in the 9th position.
   
5. Tune the 2nd string by having the open 4th string have the same sound as the 2nd string stopped in the 10th position.
   
6. Tune the 3rd string by having the open 3rd string have the same sound as the 1st string stopped in the 10th position.

Fine tuning (Standard)
Now use the following harmonic positions to make the tuning more precise. This tuning is more precise because with the stopped sounds it is almost impossible to put the left finger down in precisely the correct position, while the harmonic position must be precise or the note will not ring clearly.

1. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 7th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 9th position of the 4th string.
   
2. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 6th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 9th position of the 3rd string.
   
3. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 5th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 9th position of the 2nd string.
   
4. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 4th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 9th position of the 1st string.
   
5. A harmonic played on the 9th position of the 7th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 5th string.
   
6. A harmonic played on the 9th position of the 6th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 4th string. (Note: A harmonic on the 9th position of the 5th string will not have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 3rd string.)
   
7. A harmonic played on the 9th position of the 4th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 2nd string.
   
8. A harmonic played on the 9th position of the 3rd string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 1st string.

The same results come from testing the harmonic positions at the player's right end of the qin, as follows.

1. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 7th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 5th position of the 4th string.
   
2. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 6th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 5th position of the 4th string.
   
3. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 5th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 5th position of the 2nd string.
   
4. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 4th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 5th position of the 1st string.
   
5. A harmonic played on the 5th position of the 7th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 4th position of the 5th string.
   
6. A harmonic played on the 5th position of the 6th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 4th position of the 4th string. (Note: A harmonic on the 5th position of the 5th string will not have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 4th position of the 3rd string.
   
7. A harmonic played on the 5th position of the 4th string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 4th position of the 2nd string.
   
8. A harmonic played on the 5th position of the 3rd string should have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 4th position of the 1st string.

During the above process, if one of the strings is found to be out of tune, you make the necessary adjustments then go through either the entire sequence again or, more commonly, only the harmonic sequence. In fact many people do their tuning using only the harmonic sequences, unless the qin has gone very badly out of tune.

Almost all melodies in the active repertoire (i.e., excluding melodies reconstructed from early tablature) use this standard tuning. With different tunings, the relationships are always given in terms of how they deviate from this standard tuning. For example the raised 5th string tuning (usually called ruibin diao in old handbooks but today other names may be used) is usually indicated as follows.

General Tuning (Ruibin)
First do the standard tuning, as above. Then from standard tuning raise (tighten) the 5th string so that the open 7th string has the same sound as the 5th string stopped in the 11th position (newer handbooks may try to be more precise by saying position 10.8).

Fine Tuning (Ruibin)
The harmonic equivalents have now changed, as follows.

1. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 7th string should still have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 9th position of the 4th string.
   
2. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 6th string should still have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 9th position of the 3rd string. (Note: A harmonic on the 7th position of the 5th string no longer has the same sound as a harmonic played on the 9th position of the 2nd string.)
   
3. A harmonic played on the 7th position of the 4th string should still have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 9th position of the 1st string.) (Note: A harmonic on the 9th position of the 7th string no longer has the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 5th string.
   
4. A harmonic played on the 9th position of the 6th string should still have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 4th string.
   
5. A harmonic played on the 9th position of the 5th string should now have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 3rd string.
   
6. A harmonic played on the 9th position of the 4th string should still have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 2nd string.
   
7. A harmonic played on the 9th position of the 3rd string should still have the same sound as a harmonic played on the 10th position of the 1st string.

Ministry Of Shit - 2003 Anus

Having contributed to quality music in the same fashion that McShit contributes to gastro-delights - aint it truly wonderful to witness the demise of the MOS empire - oh yes it IS ..... from supa-shafta-clubs around tha world all playin the latest in 'ambag'ouse' , crap-compilations, dodgy mp3-dj-progams whose only purpose is to fill your drive with spyware - to the heady hights of fitness videos ... whoever still remains - don't bother turning off the light - just roll-over-and-expire - thkx.... oh yeah whilst leaving - can you put a cap in Oakenfold - remember however - don't aim at the head - nothing but mushy-grey-matter up there - he won't even feel it ! That Oaky huh - I remember that sad-dude - unable to mix a vat of sticky-pop circa Joy (Manchester 1989) - to supa-stud - 30000 HK-dollars for a half hour set to a bunch of socialite-wanna-bees (Hong Kong 2003) - whadda-plank ! Oh yeah - for christ-sake - doncha forget the coke-rider - gotta keep the master-of-da-mix happy !!

Oh to be transported back to those pre-baggy-dayz of Boys Own all-weekenders in fields around south-england. In a way that punk blew the cobwebs of the prog-rock-pap that came before, those early-acid-dayzz of uk-house really did seem to change things - up until then, my clubbing history had been spent in sad latest-fashion-shite-holes - having to endure duran-gooranish tosh of late 80's synth-pap .... prior to that it had always been dindgy grimey gigs - then BOSH - late 80s and we were all gaga for repetetive beatz and screwed up Mondays ...



I suppose looking back - the above flyer and event (along with the obvious Energy / Fantasia / World-Dance et. al.) pretty much marked the beginning of the end - Sunrise were one of the bigger (perhaps biggest) organisers of field-trips for trippers ... this party was widly reported in the press - attended by perhaps ten thousand - complete with fair-ground-rides, bouncy-castles (Nancy/Daryl-Brighton, Karen/Venessa-Brixton - where be ye now?) - live PAs (who can forget the live chants of "everything begins with an E" - actually probably best we do forget) tickets were still pretty much an underground-obtained event - at the time I was Brighton-based and Carl Cox's girlfriend Maxine was local supplier of such wares ("15 quid and your in") ... weekend after weekend we would travel god only knows where - to remote fields and 'turbo-rigged' systems - only to find ourselves come Sunday evening - back down the Escape Club, Brighton - moshed/mashed and completly mished..... those were the times hey - where lyrics like "get get get wiv it... get get get wiv it" really - like you know resonated maaannn .... or maybe the resonating was due to that final sunday tea-time cheeky-half ..... the weekend in those days started with Carl Cox and his Thursday night Zap club sessions and ended somewhere in a broken-heap - early morning Monday - oh to be a yung-un again ...

Why this raving about pre-raving-raving ? well seems the afore-mentioned 'Ministry of Shit' 2003 classic (?) is now web-ready - to quote from the release (http://lukecollison.com/mos/):

Its been a while since this came out in May 2003. The initial run was limited to 500 copies. Due to some legal entanglemnet over an alleged breach of trademark law Ministry of Sound made it quite difficult for a small lowly label, such as Spasticated Records Australia, to have further copies manufactured. It may be a little dated now but there was a time when these often disturbed, mangled, plunderphonic masterpieces had a kind of currency in this pop-culture obsessed electronic music scene. Spasticated Records have about 10 copies left of the actual CD which we intend to hold on to unless you make an offer we can't refuse. This website will no-doubt have a fleeting existence so feel free to re-distribute the compilation anywhere you see fit. Its time has passed and we have no intention of re-pressing. For a time we considered a sequel, but... is it still relevant?

Grab the mashs here and circulate:

01. Mark N - I Love Faeces
02. DSP Wanker - Lost In Glottal Stops
03. Knifehandchop & Kevin Blecdom - Superstars
04. Skkatter - Please Take My Head Out Of This Bucket Of Ice
05. Wobbly - Let Me Know
06. Ascdi - Splatisfaction
07. AC/3P - Oi! ...buy AC/3P - Watch Me Explode
08. Girl Talk - lets Run This ...buy Girl Talk - Unstoppable
09. Toecutter - Shit On Me
10. Dsico - I R*cked Britney (Moonwalk Style)
11. 7u? - Premature Dementia
12. Manny Phalanxx - Hear Me Roar (Where's The Cheese)
13. Animal - Liberty Re^x (seXy Sp0t mix)
14. DJ Smallcock - Curse Of The Smallcock
15. Trotters - Ice Ice Bacon

additional CD-Rom content

Dsico vs Dither - I R*cked Britney (Moonwalk Style) (Mpeg video 30.4 Mb)

Brought to you buy the kindness and self-interest of:

Dsico That No-Talent Hack and Spasticated Records

Fried ...

Last night around 2.00am - the Farmer Glitch household was woken my by pc-plod-1 and pc-plod-2 banging on my door - to let me know that my car had been completly torched !! After having to field caring questions such as "now tell me sir - what have you done to make someone do this to YOU!!", and after the fire-engine had departed leaving my exploded-wreck (oh yeah the fire also wrecked both my immediate neighbours cars also) - I am now left today - trying to organise a new car - get the wreck removed - and deal with a whole load of hassle --- oh the joys of village life huh ?

Anyone know of a cheap motor for sale ????